ANYONE NEED A JOB?

I’m paying R102.00 per day for 13 hours of your labour. 

Not enough?

The perks will swing you once you hear them. 

1. You don’t get to work from home. 

2. You do get to climb down an unsecured mineshaft for 1 1/2 hours. 

3. You then get to crawl, yes crawl, for about 40 to 100 meters in a narrow tunnel to reach the rock-face. 

Don’t stress it gets better. 

4. You are “encouraged” to spend 8 hours chipping away at the rock and placing what you have taken out into an old sack. This you then pass back till it reaches the surface and you are to keep on chipping. 

5. At the end of your shift you’ll take 2 hours to crawl back and climb to the surface. 

But there’s more. 

6. The days yield is then then weighted and quality checked by a Chinese firm I subcontracted to ensure I keep my costs down. (No you don’t get to know how that is calculated)

7. Unfortunately at least 2 of you will die EVERY SINGLE DAY. 

8. You will not be burdened with having to pack lunch, you know, no lunch break. 

Now I’m aware that many of you are chomping at the bit for this once in a lifetime opportunity but there is most likely a big question in your mind. 

Why would Louis offer this almost to good to be true salary, work environment and perks package?

Well I’ll tell you. 

COBALT! All the virtue signalers on earth need it. Why you’d then ask, well because COBALT is required to get all our electric cars built, billions of dollars worth of it. And I’m giving you the opportunity to SAVE THE PLANET. 

Most of you will want to do it free for such a great cause, NO I’ll say, that would be slavery and we can’t have that. 

On the off chance that no one takes me up on this most generous offer, I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me. I already have thousands of black men, yes black men, in the Congo. You know the place The Democratic Republic of the Congo where human rights is foremost on our minds and slavery is simply frowned upon. Don’t do it they say. So we don’t, we pay $6 per day to avoid such an atrocious thing being said about us. COOL HEY. 

In closing, if you REALLY ACTUALLY GENUINELY wanted to save our planet, even just a little, you know so that your friends think you’re AWESOME. Then buy a second hand car, it has already paid its debt to the environment, no new parts and materials need to be shipped, flown or mined around the world to build your shiny new car, which is actually why all this has to happen. 

I understand that this will go ignored and people will continue to pretend that electric vehicles are SO AWESOME for the planet. So I’ll just shut up and watch as you regress to coal power, something we stopped doing in the 19th century due to its carbon pollution, and pretend electric cars are powered by rainbows and unicorns. 

THEY ARE NOT, THEY ARE COAL POWERED AND FILTHY, THEY ARE ONLY POSSIBLE BECAUSE      BLACK MEN     ARE WILLING TO DIE BURIED ALIVE SO THAT YOU CAN LOOK LIKE YOU ARE DOING YOUR BEST TO SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT!

Nuff said.